This is just one of Fred’s many great posts but it is one of my favourites

Fred Colton

Valentine’s Day, 1987. Michael Bolton croons from a Dolby, mattress springs squeak in protest, and a fast swimmer beats out millions of competitors to stage a successful kamikaze attack on a Death Star of an egg.

This egg soon morphs into a fetus and nine months later said fetus emerges into this world as a human child. What was once just a child eventually becomes a man, and today that man turns 27.

I’ve now been alive since young people thought perms looked good and Ronald Reagan was wearing sweatpants on Air Force One.



As of press time I have spent 27 years on a massive blue ball that spins at 1,000 miles per hour, and I have yet to be thrown off. I have also now put in 27 complete laps around a giant exploding star for total mileage of 15.7 billion miles, and my pace has remained…

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