Birthday

This is just one of Fred’s many great posts but it is one of my favourites

Fred Colton

Valentine’s Day, 1987. Michael Bolton croons from a Dolby, mattress springs squeak in protest, and a fast swimmer beats out millions of competitors to stage a successful kamikaze attack on a Death Star of an egg.

This egg soon morphs into a fetus and nine months later said fetus emerges into this world as a human child. What was once just a child eventually becomes a man, and today that man turns 27.

I’ve now been alive since young people thought perms looked good and Ronald Reagan was wearing sweatpants on Air Force One.

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Proof.

As of press time I have spent 27 years on a massive blue ball that spins at 1,000 miles per hour, and I have yet to be thrown off. I have also now put in 27 complete laps around a giant exploding star for total mileage of 15.7 billion miles, and my pace has remained…

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